encounter of a different kind

Last weekend I was on my wits end. I had met my greatest challenge in a long time. My opponent was reckoned for his speed and agility. He was known to walk only on the path he made for himself. The setting for the encounter was my kitchen, and my opponent was Mr. lickin’ lips, the mighty lizard with the beady eyes.


My fear for lizards is matched only by my husband’s fear for them. Only this time I knew I had to step up and be the brave one. Husby darling refused to even venture from the front room.


I opened the window on whose pane the lizard was perched. But my gesture startled him and he landed with a plonk on my kitchen top. I held my breath and waited for him to scale the walls and escape. For a second we started at each other, and then he desperately tried to scale the granite slab on the kitchen platform, only to keep sliding. It was then that fear gripped me.


The granite was too slippery for the idiot who daringly took a dive off my window. Now he was literally swimming on the slippery granite walls trying to get off! I instantly got my broom for defence. I wasn’t going to let him run amok on my kitchen and with trepidation cornered him in one section of the l-shaped platform. The next 15 mins he ran from one end to the other chased by a whisper of hair from my broom. The process was accompanied by my unrelenting pleas to my knight in shining armour to come to my aid. With each plea the TV volume turned louder. I didn’t want to kill the lizard, he looked too alive. I could see his belly moving up and down. His eyes darting and his lips moving as he tried to chew the broom.


Brainwave! I ran to the balcony and came back with a formica board, my homeowner had left behind thoughtfully when he rented the house to us. (Though I had cursed its presence all this while, now it was a gift from him to me). I placed it thoughtfully in one corner ensuring it was near the window and thus providing a ladder for the lizard to scale on and escape. I continually guided the lizard verbally up the escape route. But he chose instead to go hide behind it.

After an hr, at 11 in the night, frustrated I pushed the idiot to the board guiding him up. The first attempt bought the realisation that the lizard couldn’t climb up! How on earth had he got on my window pane in the first place. I could sense that he was terrified but I couldn’t give his fear much concession. Mine I decided was bigger. It was time to wage war.


I pushed him down the platform. Let him run across the floor, out the kitchen. no no not to front room. another push.. NEVER behind the fridge, another push. yes to the balcony door. Hurray! Out! What! You cannot climb regular walls. Now the formica board came real handy. I scooped the lizard on it. One hand on the board and the other holding it down with the broom (I sure didn’t want it to run up the board and onto my arm! urrrgh now that would surely be my worst nightmare). I plonked him on the sill trying to push him out. Only he sought refuge holding onto the grill and I literally had to pry his claws apart from the metal grill. and then lo he disappeared. For a moment I felt a little sad and lonely.


Moral of the story: Animals don’t possess human intelligence. They want to survive and don’t understand human tactics like climbing up makeshift ladders. Next time you want to help a lizard, instead of killing him, dont wait an hr! Sweeping him away from a broom saves time and is your best bet!