I can see the hummingbird,
Trying to evoke nectar out of a dried leaf.
Dried brown branches sticking out in all directions
Gangly like a young boys legs
Only I see in some spots, green bark
Assuring me appearance of youthful leaves.
I can see the distant mountains
Swathed in comforting tickly grass.
The bunch of green shrubs that grow in clumps
Like gossiping woman, heads together
Only I see the patches of brown
Telling me to go meet them, before summer heralds.
I can see the restless clouds
Dancing around to the winds tunes.
Running in straight lines like freshly ploughed earth
Tilled ready for the new seeds to be sown.
Only I see the coming of gray rain clouds
And I know earth will be nourished today, flowers might bloom.
I can see silent roads
Resting against building with empty balconies
Devoid of any human movement, each empty window unadorned
Another unseen stranger’s unheard story
Only I see the plane flying above telling me
It’s only a few days more days before I go home (to India's cacophony).
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
Thursday, June 23, 2005
They whom I admire
Just wanted to write a quick note on all those I have known or seen over the years who have found the courage to do what it is that they truly feel passionate about. I have tremendous respect and admiration for those the people who follow their heart irrespective of what it may lead them to, who trust life and just sail on the ocean without fears or storms.
I think the problem is with people like me who wait for a map and then a compass to fall into our laps. We just live with the desire then and never really set forth on our journey. Well I know its not entirely true for me but it does feel that way. Because I am also seeing many others whom I know and who have the passion for something but are not doing a thing about it because they are on the look out for some miracle. We all wait for our miracles so much. Who thinks of going on knocking on doors, the opportunity is supposed to find you isn’t it? No it doesn’t. See more is not to open your eyes wider but to open your minds wider. To absorb all that goes on around you. And most of the times its not about finding something you love but loving what you do enough to learn from it and then move on.
There is no one thing in life which will satisfy you entirely. Existence has made us out of many different things and we need varied things in our life to make us happy. But are you going to wait for it all? The puzzle does not fall into place all at once; you take a piece and see where it fits. This is what life is about. A puzzle that you solve year by year, piece by piece, experience by experience; to create what you call a life. People around you, the work you do, are the colours of the pieces and when you fit them in by the time you are gone, you create the image of your life; the imprint you are going to leave behind.
I don’t want to wait anymore and honestly I am not waiting. I have seen from people and learnt. What fills your heart matters as does what fills your bank. Some don’t care about the bank and others ignore the heart. Practically though in this world you need both. Just decide the ratio of their importance and go on. Keep trying till you find the option that sates both. Remember both may never get fulfilled but you can strike a balance.
Am feeling quite full, full of love and admiration to the people I do know personally, whom I have met on occasions and whom I now see blooming. Not monetarily successful maybe but more wealthy than many I know because they have the satisfaction of believing, in themselves and their passions. It is not enough that others see the potential in you. To be, you have to believe, you can too.
I think the problem is with people like me who wait for a map and then a compass to fall into our laps. We just live with the desire then and never really set forth on our journey. Well I know its not entirely true for me but it does feel that way. Because I am also seeing many others whom I know and who have the passion for something but are not doing a thing about it because they are on the look out for some miracle. We all wait for our miracles so much. Who thinks of going on knocking on doors, the opportunity is supposed to find you isn’t it? No it doesn’t. See more is not to open your eyes wider but to open your minds wider. To absorb all that goes on around you. And most of the times its not about finding something you love but loving what you do enough to learn from it and then move on.
There is no one thing in life which will satisfy you entirely. Existence has made us out of many different things and we need varied things in our life to make us happy. But are you going to wait for it all? The puzzle does not fall into place all at once; you take a piece and see where it fits. This is what life is about. A puzzle that you solve year by year, piece by piece, experience by experience; to create what you call a life. People around you, the work you do, are the colours of the pieces and when you fit them in by the time you are gone, you create the image of your life; the imprint you are going to leave behind.
I don’t want to wait anymore and honestly I am not waiting. I have seen from people and learnt. What fills your heart matters as does what fills your bank. Some don’t care about the bank and others ignore the heart. Practically though in this world you need both. Just decide the ratio of their importance and go on. Keep trying till you find the option that sates both. Remember both may never get fulfilled but you can strike a balance.
Am feeling quite full, full of love and admiration to the people I do know personally, whom I have met on occasions and whom I now see blooming. Not monetarily successful maybe but more wealthy than many I know because they have the satisfaction of believing, in themselves and their passions. It is not enough that others see the potential in you. To be, you have to believe, you can too.
Monday, June 20, 2005
A tiny hill station in the western ghats
I’m reminded of those red hills that represented freedom; that let me run to them whenever I was assuaged by any emotion that I did not want to deal with or which overwhelmed me. I did not want anything holding me in captivity and so I chose to run whenever I could to those hills with its trees and leaves which often playfully stopped the sky from reaching me. Its fragrant earth is the most emotional smell I have ever inhaled because it holds the power to make me yearn and make me go weak in my knees. The green of the trees was the shawl I wrapped joyously around my carefree heart and the red of the mud, the unsullied passion that makes my being sing and my eyes want to dream.
Matheran is a physical place I visited often, but truly it’s a place which I feel connected to beyond this body of mine. What is it about its hills, peaks, valleys, mist and brown paths that lure me to it, I do not know. In truth, I don’t want to know, I’d rather it be a mystery which mesmerises my soul. So many memories are associated with it, of family and friends. But to me it will always be the place I goto and feel connected, to earth, to myself, to my thoughts, to my calling, to life and all that it holds for me. Musings abound, retrospections go on, mostly a feeling of gratitude and a feeling of joy prevail.
Hope hall: the old British hunting lodge and now a nice hotel; the stall at the main bazaar where you can nibble on hot jalebis and sip tea at 7 in the morning; the garden by the stall where we stayed up all night; the small stream which runs into Charlotte lake; the small trail that goes from the lake to that scenic spot we always went to; Alexander point and how I and Mittz had the whole spot to ourselves as though only we existed on that mountain; how the mist hugged me with joy whenever I went there; Shiva temple which I somehow know I have visited before and no, I don’t mean in this lifetime.
To go to you is my pilgrimage, it is a journey to where I belong. Its time. Three years and half years away is a long time. I have to go again. Soon, very soon.
Matheran is a physical place I visited often, but truly it’s a place which I feel connected to beyond this body of mine. What is it about its hills, peaks, valleys, mist and brown paths that lure me to it, I do not know. In truth, I don’t want to know, I’d rather it be a mystery which mesmerises my soul. So many memories are associated with it, of family and friends. But to me it will always be the place I goto and feel connected, to earth, to myself, to my thoughts, to my calling, to life and all that it holds for me. Musings abound, retrospections go on, mostly a feeling of gratitude and a feeling of joy prevail.
Hope hall: the old British hunting lodge and now a nice hotel; the stall at the main bazaar where you can nibble on hot jalebis and sip tea at 7 in the morning; the garden by the stall where we stayed up all night; the small stream which runs into Charlotte lake; the small trail that goes from the lake to that scenic spot we always went to; Alexander point and how I and Mittz had the whole spot to ourselves as though only we existed on that mountain; how the mist hugged me with joy whenever I went there; Shiva temple which I somehow know I have visited before and no, I don’t mean in this lifetime.
To go to you is my pilgrimage, it is a journey to where I belong. Its time. Three years and half years away is a long time. I have to go again. Soon, very soon.
Thursday, June 16, 2005
Boy in the Chai stall
Wrote this in midst of a mind-numbing session. yeah got another nice quote on boredom i came up with. But that'll come later. Am not too pleased with the poem. it requires some tweaking. Anyways here goes.. Sometimes the raw first draft casts its spell on me and though i know it requires work, i hesitate to change it..
Latest bollywood tune on his lips
Swishing the dust cloth , swaying hips
Feet stomping to the radio’s beats
Cleaning tables with irreverent flicks
Customer’s call, him beckons
Weaving through tables, master frowns
The tune still playing in his head
Mindless motions, his hands enact
Water in pan, leaves of tea,
pieces of ginger, a dash of sweet
Stirring the cauldron, sniffing the steam
Some milk in pot, rising tea
Remove the frothy bubbling chai
Moving to music, towards bhai
Changes hands, glass burns the hand
Shatters the music, sparkling pieces everywhere
Slap on the face rudely jolts
Morning pav’s money is now gone
Weaving through the tables, master frowns
Mindless motions, done numbly now
Chai is served, Bhai has gone
Picking pieces of glass off the ground
Bollywood’s tunes slowly filter in
Eyes smile & destroy that slap’s sting.
Latest bollywood tune on his lips
Swishing the dust cloth , swaying hips
Feet stomping to the radio’s beats
Cleaning tables with irreverent flicks
Customer’s call, him beckons
Weaving through tables, master frowns
The tune still playing in his head
Mindless motions, his hands enact
Water in pan, leaves of tea,
pieces of ginger, a dash of sweet
Stirring the cauldron, sniffing the steam
Some milk in pot, rising tea
Remove the frothy bubbling chai
Moving to music, towards bhai
Changes hands, glass burns the hand
Shatters the music, sparkling pieces everywhere
Slap on the face rudely jolts
Morning pav’s money is now gone
Weaving through the tables, master frowns
Mindless motions, done numbly now
Chai is served, Bhai has gone
Picking pieces of glass off the ground
Bollywood’s tunes slowly filter in
Eyes smile & destroy that slap’s sting.
Thursday, June 09, 2005
From the yonder years
19/8/02
“Learn to love unconditionally. Love with conditions is merely appeasing your mind, love without rules is letting your soul rejoice.” I wrote this and then pondered about the nature of love. I first thought that the complexity of heart involved in loving someone was a quandary that solely afflicted those 20 or under. But little did I know that even grown ups who we think have mastered the heart’s consistent whining and persistent demands are still as susceptible to erring in matters of love.
I see some of my grown up friends each struggling to find that person who will bring to them completeness, peace that their soul claims. Each is mentally and spiritually richer than me yet they still have the same yearning that I possessed. I met someone I know will aid me in making this lifetime more meaningful and worthy. But I still do not understand the need we all feel for this love. Sometimes I just want to tell my friends that finding the person does not result in absence of confusion or any emotion that gets you down. Your love can sometime restrict you and bind you. Even when you sense that you are sometimes being an ally in aiding that dependency, rarely do few find the gumption to let go of this clingy need for each other. Personality clashes, different approaches towards situations, personal choices all can disturb the equilibrium. But moving beyond and conquering all that can pull your relationship down is what I consider unconditional love.
Love is a great teacher. It teaches you more about yourself and helps you see yourself more clearly. But it also involves leaving yourself vulnerable. The key is trust. But I am wandering off key over here. The need for love is what I was talking about. Many people committed to specific causes have moved beyond the need for having someone with whom they want to share their passion. Maybe their heart, passion and joy solely lie in the cause which evokes the peace we all need. But its love in some form or the other that drives us all in the end. Love for a cause, Love for peace, Love for enlightenment, love for a person etc.
What do I tell my friends who yearn so much for love, have even taken risks but who have met with disillusionment and yet after a while seek their soul-mate again? Do I ask them to hold on to their faiths or ask them to give up their needs. But one truth I learnt about life is looking out for love is not always the best solution. Love finds you if its time and if its meant to be. Countless have given up the joy of discovering love by compromising. But those who refused to compromise even after years are left yearning. What’s the right thing to do then?
Is there someone in this world who can give you the answers? Yeah, I believe that our soul gives us the answers. We are born with some wonderful habits, the ability to smile and the ability to laugh and be rooted to our truth, inner self each moment and above all love without reason. Laugh we may, cry we may, But we always get love in some form or the other, from someone or the other.
“Learn to love unconditionally. Love with conditions is merely appeasing your mind, love without rules is letting your soul rejoice.” I wrote this and then pondered about the nature of love. I first thought that the complexity of heart involved in loving someone was a quandary that solely afflicted those 20 or under. But little did I know that even grown ups who we think have mastered the heart’s consistent whining and persistent demands are still as susceptible to erring in matters of love.
I see some of my grown up friends each struggling to find that person who will bring to them completeness, peace that their soul claims. Each is mentally and spiritually richer than me yet they still have the same yearning that I possessed. I met someone I know will aid me in making this lifetime more meaningful and worthy. But I still do not understand the need we all feel for this love. Sometimes I just want to tell my friends that finding the person does not result in absence of confusion or any emotion that gets you down. Your love can sometime restrict you and bind you. Even when you sense that you are sometimes being an ally in aiding that dependency, rarely do few find the gumption to let go of this clingy need for each other. Personality clashes, different approaches towards situations, personal choices all can disturb the equilibrium. But moving beyond and conquering all that can pull your relationship down is what I consider unconditional love.
Love is a great teacher. It teaches you more about yourself and helps you see yourself more clearly. But it also involves leaving yourself vulnerable. The key is trust. But I am wandering off key over here. The need for love is what I was talking about. Many people committed to specific causes have moved beyond the need for having someone with whom they want to share their passion. Maybe their heart, passion and joy solely lie in the cause which evokes the peace we all need. But its love in some form or the other that drives us all in the end. Love for a cause, Love for peace, Love for enlightenment, love for a person etc.
What do I tell my friends who yearn so much for love, have even taken risks but who have met with disillusionment and yet after a while seek their soul-mate again? Do I ask them to hold on to their faiths or ask them to give up their needs. But one truth I learnt about life is looking out for love is not always the best solution. Love finds you if its time and if its meant to be. Countless have given up the joy of discovering love by compromising. But those who refused to compromise even after years are left yearning. What’s the right thing to do then?
Is there someone in this world who can give you the answers? Yeah, I believe that our soul gives us the answers. We are born with some wonderful habits, the ability to smile and the ability to laugh and be rooted to our truth, inner self each moment and above all love without reason. Laugh we may, cry we may, But we always get love in some form or the other, from someone or the other.
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
One of those days
When I feel like doing everything but what I am doing right now. And hence I did nothing that I was supposed to and did everythign else but that. Eh, understood? Thats quite how I am feeling. No logic, let go. Finally evening arrives and its time to go home. Just some sprinkling of poetry to spice up the sunset ( yes I am leaving when there is still light outside, Hurray!)
yes is a pleasant country: e.e.cummings
yes is a pleasant country:
if's wintry
(my lovely)
let's open the year
both is the very weather
(not either)
my treasure,
when violets appear
love is a deeper season
than reason;
my sweet one(and april's where we're)
yes is a pleasant country: e.e.cummings
yes is a pleasant country:
if's wintry
(my lovely)
let's open the year
both is the very weather
(not either)
my treasure,
when violets appear
love is a deeper season
than reason;
my sweet one(and april's where we're)
Monday, June 06, 2005
I got book tagged
Yipeee, I got book tagged! Just discovered about this latest blog phenomenon yesterday and the bug bit me today. Well Percy, you didn’t catch me by surprise. I am quite thrilled about writing down this stuff, but it’s also a challenge. Even studying for accounts in my final year was easier. People you cant list your top 5 books. Can I list authors instead? Hmm I need time to compile this stuff. (I take my book reading very seriously. No seriously, I do.)
Well this continues after 15 minutes of serious thought. Now I am up for the challenge.
Total Number of books I have
Don’t have a total count. My books are everywhere in Mumbai, Hyderabad, Pune and even some I left behind in the US (which haven’t arrived as yet). I guess the figure ranges somewhere in 300’s. (I wouldn’t be surprised if it exceeds it)
Last book I read
1) House of Sand and Fog by Andre Dubus III - My friend loved it and gifted me this book. Some of the characterizations are really good. Not a great book. But good enough for a casual read.
2) Story of my experiments with truth by MK Gandhi – It has been on from two months. Since each chapter is a individual story am taking my time with it. I guess it has it has lost its flavor as the book is good only in parts. He has been quite frank and it is interesting to see him speak so freely about himself. He was a mystery and just a figure whose name kept popping in history. Now I can imagine the person he was. Though I don’t necessarily agree with all he says and his practices.
Last Book I bought
The Prophet – Khalil Gibran - The old copy was crying for retirement
Five books that mean a lot to me
Now I thought this involved a lot of head scratching, but suddenly they all slipped out quite easily and they are in no particular order of importance. These are books I can read over and over again.
1) Siddhartha – Herman Hesse
2) Alchemist – Paul Cohelo
3) Ishmael and My Ishmael – Daniel Quinn (Yes, I am going to cite the two books as one for two reasons. One, they are complimentary- if you read one, you just have to read the other. Two, I get to state two more books that mean a lot to me)
4) Tuesdays with Morrie – Mitch Albom
5) Little Prince – Antoine De Saint-Exupery
Ok please let me name a few more, Old Man and the Sea by Ernest Hemmingway, One and Jonathan Livingston Seagull by Richard Bach, Notes to Myself by Hugh Prather, all books by Ruskin Bond and some of Osho’s works. (OK I shall stop, but this sucks. I want to name more. Sob sob)
People I’d like to tag
Mitali
Pavi
Rish
There I did it! And learnt how to add external links in the process too. Blogging rocks!
Well this continues after 15 minutes of serious thought. Now I am up for the challenge.
Total Number of books I have
Don’t have a total count. My books are everywhere in Mumbai, Hyderabad, Pune and even some I left behind in the US (which haven’t arrived as yet). I guess the figure ranges somewhere in 300’s. (I wouldn’t be surprised if it exceeds it)
Last book I read
1) House of Sand and Fog by Andre Dubus III - My friend loved it and gifted me this book. Some of the characterizations are really good. Not a great book. But good enough for a casual read.
2) Story of my experiments with truth by MK Gandhi – It has been on from two months. Since each chapter is a individual story am taking my time with it. I guess it has it has lost its flavor as the book is good only in parts. He has been quite frank and it is interesting to see him speak so freely about himself. He was a mystery and just a figure whose name kept popping in history. Now I can imagine the person he was. Though I don’t necessarily agree with all he says and his practices.
Last Book I bought
The Prophet – Khalil Gibran - The old copy was crying for retirement
Five books that mean a lot to me
Now I thought this involved a lot of head scratching, but suddenly they all slipped out quite easily and they are in no particular order of importance. These are books I can read over and over again.
1) Siddhartha – Herman Hesse
2) Alchemist – Paul Cohelo
3) Ishmael and My Ishmael – Daniel Quinn (Yes, I am going to cite the two books as one for two reasons. One, they are complimentary- if you read one, you just have to read the other. Two, I get to state two more books that mean a lot to me)
4) Tuesdays with Morrie – Mitch Albom
5) Little Prince – Antoine De Saint-Exupery
Ok please let me name a few more, Old Man and the Sea by Ernest Hemmingway, One and Jonathan Livingston Seagull by Richard Bach, Notes to Myself by Hugh Prather, all books by Ruskin Bond and some of Osho’s works. (OK I shall stop, but this sucks. I want to name more. Sob sob)
People I’d like to tag
Mitali
Pavi
Rish
There I did it! And learnt how to add external links in the process too. Blogging rocks!
pleasure n pain
I wish I could wrap cotton candy around my eyes and see a sweet sugary world, where all is well. Often I tell myself that suffering is normal that it’s the way things are meant to be and then question myself about why do we have smiles in our lives then. Why the pleasure if pain is the reality. Then I remind myself we need the pain to understand and appreciate smiles. One moment of joy can illuminate weeks and make months of suffering disappear in a heartbeat. One true moment of liberation caused by a joyous heart, can wipe away all traces of tears from memories and mind.
Saturday, June 04, 2005
Sairam with his fav pillow
All I need to do is look at him and my heart just fills with joy. My baby, he hasnt come from my womb but tugs at my maternal heart in inexplicable ways. Ok, he is my Mama's (Maternal Uncle) kid but that doesnt mean I cant mother him and spoil him silly. Miracle baby, he is a unexpected gift to all of us.
I have always loved babies. But have never had the chance to experience the emotions that come with having one thats your own. With Sairam, i am getting to live them all. One word of praise and my heart swells with pride. He is the joy in my life. love you, little one.
Friday, June 03, 2005
nature of expression
The true nature of expression is in silence. Words are but superficial décor, unnecessary at times like pink blush on a tender rose bloom. They have their utility but are often overrated.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
